Thursday, December 31, 2009

Farewell 2009 Welcome 2010

While coming to the office today... my dad by the way asked me... Aish what’s the date today; i was enjoying peanuts in sunshine on front seat with him... I said... Mmmm it’s 30th December... Ohh come ‘on; check it again... And just for the confirmation... I glanced at my N5000's screen... Ohh my goodness!! Its 31st today... I was planning to wrap my 2009 and to manage my 2010... EHz...!!! I’m late...

The different most year in my life ... the roughest and toughest one...!! Now recalling 2009... I sometime laugh n sometime it cry even...!!And even same was my condition whole year .. !!

It was December 31 2008's night and I was receiving wishes from my friends and family.. Was enjoying a lot .. I was never aware of what's going to be happen this year .. !! This year changed my life a lot..

2009 was good with family.. Dangling with friends .. Very bad with this four star.. And average for me.. I have completed my final year project this year, had fight with my best frnd this year, change my home, shifted to my theme *the think pink*, many of my friends got married this year and many got engaged and blabla ..

This will be the last post of 2009 and I’m planning to NOT make it sad and bad as my usual writings are lol..
Well, tonight we'll say good bye to 2009. I am sure many people will agree that they are glad on ending 2009. I’m not saying that It wasn't a bad year , but it was certainly not easy for me at least. I’m spending the night at home playing games, eating, and celebrating. I’m planning to enjoy same as i enjoyed last 2008's night planning my 2009 .. And i wish this year 2010 will bring loadx of new things and happiness in my life .. With the will of Allah ..


Well here's a New Year 2010 !! so ..
Happy New Year .. !!! Happy 2010 .. and best of luck with 2010 ...

Mmmm ..I’m pretty excited for the new year. I’m thinking about my new year resolution .. well well well .. although it’s something I’m not revealing WHOLE here .. but for a hint .. I’m planning to give many people a surprise, there'll be a bighhh noticeable change in 2010 Insha’Allah... !!

Also for my blog surprise that I have some followers! *waves* Thank you! I need to pay more attention and not neglect my blog nor my comments. So, don’t think that I don’t appreciate comments and followers, I love attention and I'm good on giving others too.. lol.. Hope I’ll improve here as well in 2010 a lot .. so come ‘on people join me here..

And my last thing is .. Forget about whatever was in past .. don’t worry about whatever is going to be happen in future … concentrate on present and Enjoy it ; because it’ll be past tomorrow and it’ll be a good past then; and a good present is the base of a wonderful future ...

Yesterday is History...
Tomorrow is Mystery...
Today is Present...
so jus think about it and enjoy it...
Have a blast this year...!!

Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas !!!~~~

Merry Christmas Everybody !!  

We wish you a Merry Christmas;
We wish you a Merry Christmas;
We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
Good tidings we bring to you and your kin;
Good tidings for Christmas and a Happy New Year.
Oh, bring us a figgy pudding;
Oh, bring us a figgy pudding;

Oh, bring us a figgy pudding and a cup of good cheer
We won't go until we get some;
We won't go until we get some;
We won't go until we get some, so bring some out here
We wish you a Merry Christmas;
We wish you a Merry Christmas;
We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Waiting ..

To wait for something is very painful .. Ehh ... !!!

Ask from a mother who's waiting her solider son to come back to home this vacations ..

Ask from the lover who's waiting to meet his beloved..

Ask the student who's waiting for his result with cross fingers...

or Ask the passenger who's waiting for his train to arrive ..

Hell.. !! I repeat.. To wait for something is the worst pain; the hardest thing for a human to do ..

Feeling when you stuck with something .. and waiting it to JUS happen at once .. Feeling so helpless; that sometime you feel to kill yourself ..






To be helped..

To be cared..

To be loved..

To be held..

To feel your heart beating..

To listen that chord again ..


Counting .. !!!!

Losing  but

Still dreaming..

Still thinking..

Still wishing..

Still hoping..

and ... STILL I AM WAITING.. !!~~

Sunday, December 20, 2009


sitting in an another situation.. in a real thinking mode ...~~~!!!
its another day .. my fixing process is started and I am a lil bit fixed even.. things are getting clear in my mind .. with some certain meanings and how it all happened.. !!
this is the question which should have to be answered here .. the things which helped me a lot was the actual meaning of EXPECTATIONS ... this was the word which ruined my life and this only word is helping me a lot in healing ... really~~
well now someone is thinking how these expectation can do all these things ... !! I really don’t know if I'll make you synchronized with me but I'll try my level best to ...and don’t think that a software engineer is turning to a philosopher or a writer .. lol ...
lets come to the point directly .. mm *thinking* in our life; we are related with many people .. with different attitudes; who are having different places in our life.. to those we think close to us; we hope they'll take care of our things.. they'll listen to us when we want to say something.. they help us when need someone to be with us .. we can call them at anytime and they'll be with us without asking why where etc .. this is all our expectations to those about whom we think are really mean something to us .. in expecting all these things; usually sometimes; we just forget about to realize one thing ...
the thing what we forget that that’s ME who's thinking that someone is important; close or special to me .. but may be he/she is not considering same about me .. well ... I know it’s painful but telling you honestly the sooner you realize it; the lesser you'll get pain outa it.. jus for an example.. sometimes we like to be with some people, they can be anyone .. friends, family or some random people .. we are like lOve to be in their company ... we want to talk to them, but in doing so .. may be we are irritating them with our nature .. and when they react by somehow.. we get jus PAIN but nothing else..
well to be honest the same case was with me .. I expect very HIGH and ruined my life .. I lost a lot in jus expecting high.. I was like if I am giving 100% from my side why I am not getting even half of it .. I jus get pain outa it by thinking all these things .. look these expectations spoiled me a lot .. but hey !! it's not the end .. I told you in start that I am in fixing state and I am a lil bit fixed even .. these expecting LESS helped me out .. I realized that every other person have some aims and priorities in his/her life .. we can jus try to make us a priority there but we can't fight for it and we SHOULDN'T really ... but we can jus do one thing .. what even I am doing .. think things are working for me .. jus try to set priorities in life with those who think about you; not with those about whom you think...
now I am like .. if someone don't care about me; I' am not crying for it and thinking that there are more important things in other's life .. and I am having other things to ... well this is the key to live a balanced life..
my last thing; i added this in this morning while i was publishing it .. Please stop expecting from me .. I am not worth of caring; you know .. **Cheers**

Friday, December 18, 2009

Tick Tick Tick ... !!!

sitting on my desk; thinking about my past .. ... when I was a child .. all time living with my parents .. then I grow a bit older... I got my bro n sisters .. all time fighting with my sisters .. irritating my brother ... making small wishes; and waiting them to come true .. crying for toys.. saving for dolls.. making marriages of them.. getting doll houses and arranging them.. making stupid future plans.. thinking about growing old and waiting for the next birthday ...
My Reign
I am center of attention of my family ... everyone is loving me ... A LOT .. MORE THAN JUS A LOT... my wishes are their AIM to accomplish .. to be very honest .. sometimes I am like .. shocked how they are making my every word true .. by hook or by crook ... by ANYHOW... my sisters are fighting others for me .. my brother is sharing his candies with me .. listening fairy tales from his sister.. I am a RULER...
then something is changing.. what's that .. ooh well... I am started growing up ... my people are expecting more from me .. those who were caring me .. are now expecting to be cared by me .. my parents wants me to be more responsible now .. my bro wants me to act more sensibly... my sisters are getting other friends than me .. everyone is expecting a mature girl in me now..
Attention Seeker
I am not just blaming them .. even I am changed .. my preferences are my studies and my friends there in school .. college and in univ.. friends are more important for me than my family.. I love to spend my time with them .. even if something is missing from my home side.. I am getting from my friends .. even here I am center of attention.. telling you the truth; I am an attention seeker ... I am not saying the thing that I have lost my family's attention .. but yeah .. It's changed and I got some people else.. although I can't say its my SECOND REIGN.. but it's not even less than that ..
Another Taste
and now I am growing more old .. my needs are changing now .. needs are raised to just be with friends.. and I gotta real change in my life .. well yeah .. !! I taste this thing to what people call LOVE ... it's quite different from all my past experiences.. I am getting more pain than relief .. I am spending my life according to someone else's defined rules.. its difficult for me .. I am a person with my rules in my life .. but you know what .. I am still feeling GREAT ...
Lucky Me
I am someone who gets everything she wished for .. you know I am the luckiest most person alive on this earth .. I am having everything ... my family .. my friends .. & my love .. things are really really good.. at this spot of my life I am feeling like THE KING OF THE WORLD.. everyone is caring about me in their own way and you know I love attention .. me attention seeker .. and I am getting it from all dimensions ..
SKIP SKIP~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am sitting on my desk and thinking today .. how everything can change so easily ??? I am thinking what I am having right now and what I am not having to me .. thinking I lost everything I was having .. my all asset .. my reasons to live .. I lost all cares.. I lost everything just because of the reason that people are expecting me to act more mature and sensible because I am grown up girl ... I really really don’t know what is senseless in me at that time .. what everyone else wants to be changed in me .. another request for change .. but everyone wants me to GET REAL and GROW UP...

I just hate to grow up .. growing OLD .. !!! I don't know what else I'll lose in future in this growing up process... when I'll grow another year older .. what'll be the other things I'll be NOT HAVING .. I am really scared.. It's such a pain..
I am going to turn 23 this night .. I heard 100s of times in my 22nd year that I AM A 22 YEARS OLD GIRL.. I SHOULD GET A LIFE.. !!! the thing which always makes me
down .. really down .. is this growing up is really a pain for everyone else too ?? or am I a special case?
I make everyone feel all is correct OK with me .. I know everyone else is now thinking I am satisfied .. I am having everything which is required by anyone to have a blessed life .. but .. !! what's all those what I am NOT HAVING now??? I still need same care and attention.. I am even now a attention seeker .. I really want everything back to me .. I really don't feel growing up is bad .. but I think .. I think .. I think I am scared of changes ..
I don't know .. *sighs*
I don’t want to be of 23 .. another year older .. and another year older with more responsibilities.. now I know .. sometime in near future .. I'll be having a different new life .. and people will expect something different from me there .. to act more mature than I am now .. these things make me scared A LOT .. even jus to think about them ..
I am in such a pain .. wanna get rid of everything .. I want a time machine to travel back in past.. I want to go back in past .. I want a good CHANGE .. !!!
Help me .. take me out of it ..